Running Blind

A book I love:

I love a lot of books, if they accompany everywhere and I choose to sit in the car instead of going into the grocery store/mall, then I love them. One such book is called Prep.  I always wanted to go to boarding school when I was younger so I think this allowed me to imagine myself in such a place.  

These are my goals for the “summer” which isn’t really a set amount of time anymore, but I still feel like I should make them. 

• learn a new language 
• learn to enjoy working out again
• meet new people
• have a few adventures
• save money/ get a job

What I am passionate about:

I have yet to find a passion, but I think the closest thing I have is my love for my family.  I am beyond lucky to have family (both blood and not) that believe in me even when I don’t believe in myself. And family that supports me know matter how crazy I seem.  I would go to the ends of the Earth for them and I sometimes care for them more than I care about myself.  I love them more than I can describe.

So I guess my mom, dad, grandparents,aunts,uncles, cousins, emma, jenna, sarah, sara, katie, nat, katie, crystal, jay and all my future family members are my passion. (no matter how loopy they make me feel sometimes)

although I would like to find other passions as well, someday. 

five ways to win my heart:

1. Make me laugh until I cry

2. Treat my friends and family like your own

3. Don’t push me to do or say things, even if you think you are helping, I will ask for help when I feel like I need it.  Just be there for me. 

4. Take me on adventures, even if they are just around the corner

5. Teach me something new about the world

No one has done this yet, so I may be incorrect on some of these points, but this is what I think would win my heart. 

I feel that I have both lost myself and found myself the last few years.  In high school I was proud to be a runner/ soccer player/snowboarder/ artist, but at some point I stopped being any of those things. I still dabble in all of them, but not enough to call my self a runner, etc.  

As I have lost all of those attributes I have gained knowledge of who I am emotionally, which has been quite a journey. I now know what makes me happy or sad and what to do to remedy such feelings. Of course I don’t have it all figured out, but like would be so uninteresting if I did.  

I still feel like something is missing though.  There are days when I remember how much work I put into running and soccer and so on and how much I loved it.  Some of my best memories are from a run or at my dinky little snowboarding hill. I relished that feeling of becoming caught up in whatever I was doing and I haven’t really found that in a long time.  

Yes, I can start running again, but I wish I had never stopped because my mind and body have 2 ideas of what I am capable of, and unfortunately my body usually wins.  I don’t know exactly why I am writing this, but I am.

I suppose I just have to start from scratch again.