I’m writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. You know, a little respect can go a long way. But the amount of respect you give me is only enough for ME to go a long way. A long way away from you, douchebag. Frankly, you just don’t care enough about me. Luckily I care enough about me to make up for it, by saying goodbye to you. I also really need more space, I don’t like feeling like an elephant in a telephone booth. I hope you understand. I don’t know how to break it to you, but I found someone else to replace you. You know what they say: out with the old, in with the new! I don’t really do the whole long distance relationship thing. New area code, new market, and it’s time for me to go shopping.
Remember last year when we went to the free clinic? Remember how fun/awesome/crazy/horrifying that was? That’s one memory that will always make me appreciate clean urine–always.
Even though our relationship is at its end, I hope we can still be friends. You’re more like a sibling to me, you know? I may love you, but I’m definitely not in love with you. You’re gonna have to learn to accept that. I’m sure we’ll see each other again, if you’re ok with it. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.
Anyway, I’m celebrating quietly in my room, imagining you reading this letter, a smug smile stretched across my face and I’ve said all I have to say. Goodbye.
Looking forward to our friendship,
I feel like I can no longer say “child” because of honey booboo
What should I wear to the first day of grad school (I will be biking there)?